The Manifest of WOW! In Gratitude.

When you kid goes off the deep end a bit and has hard times it is interesting the give and take that happens in your circle of support. When you have not really slept in almost a year and you have learned the ins and outs of the mental health system so well that you can quote law and patience rights pamphlets and you know every local ER, all the nurses names and which ones are on which shifts, something inside you gets stripped down in a way to a no nonsense, I don't have time or energy to manage b.s. attitude.  What happens is you really see who gives a damn and who does not and you kind of learn to let those who don't really give a damn swim in their own pool, with love and acceptance but when you see those who really do care and step up to show you how much they care…it's like it changes the meaning of life all together.

What a journey!  I don't even know how to explain how much my perspective has changed except to put it in the perspective of this fundraiser we threw last night.  From the deep family of mine with some family members who won't acknowledge what we are doing to some who are working almost as hard as me, even long distance to try to support our cause and everywhere in between.  Family that drives several hours just to make sure you have someone FROM YOUR family there to support you and those who simply text to cheer you on…but it all means so much from my perspective.

Then there are friends…wow…I mean you really don't know your friends until you are sitting in an ER and someone offers to bring you a smoothie or a cup of coffee knowing what you are going through and how long you will be in there for…or friends who just call and leave messages saying that they care, they don't need to know the details…they just care.  I mean WOW!  Again…means the WORLD. Then you barely meet some folks for a few months and they get it and come out to support you…help you with whatever your goals might be.

The Lion's Club of our local town agreed to partner with me to throw an event…folks I don't even know care so much about my kid that they wanted to help him, Friends and Lions cooked soup and salads and found ways to deliver them, lend crock pots and salad bowls, sell tickets, advertise, hang flyers, repost and share info on social media and then come and support the actual event.  Some insisted upon helping set up, some unexpectedly stayed and helped clean up.

I walked around during our Soup N Salad Fundraising dinner and became absolutely in aw of who showed up.  At one point the room was filled and it was hard to find a place to sit.  Everyone was positive and happy and there with care and generosity.  Nobody was afraid of my son or judging my daughter or I because of his differences, they were there BECAUSE of his differences.  When Lexi felt overwhelmed he had cart blanch permission to just leave, go outside and get fresh air, calm down.  At one point I saw him sort of shaking in a corner, smiling but totally frozen with overwhelm and I helped guide him out the door for air.  How hard it must be to feel so loved and happy but still be totally overwhelmed.  Nobody in that room thought he was weird, judged him, me or thought anything negative…he was totally accepted…we were totally accepted…better yet SUPPORTED.

When it came time to draw the raffle prizes and announce the auction winners Lexi and I stood in front of the whole crowd.  As I started to thank everyone for coming I became totally overwhelmed with gratitude…choked up for a minute like a dork…standing there in complete aw.  It was all physically manifested in front of me. All of it, the long distance, the care of everyone who had gotten us that far along with those who were right there in front of me.  It was so powerful.  It was kind of a moment when I was glad that I have a visual impairment and could not see all the faces clearly because it just would have been too much to take it in at that level.  My breath left me for a moment and I just could not speak.  I was not going to let a tear fall because I knew if I let any of that emotion leak out it would get ugly so I took a breath and had to almost side step my own overwhelm and get down to business of raffle and announcements.  I then went in to this almost completely surreal dreamlike space…it all just swept over me and kept swirling around me.

As the night wrapped up and we came home with sore feet and I had forgotten to eat anything but was so filled with aw and amazement my stomach couldn't take any food, I washed all the soup pots, the crock pots and salad bowls and then just sat there.  Lexi paced for about two hours in our house just wired with the energy of the evening.  There were not a lot of words…it just all seemed so amazing.  We literally spent our evening surrounded in love, support and generosity of all those who are working and care so much about keeping my son alive and helping him and my family.  Wow! It has honestly been  such a lifetime of judgement, criticism, battles and struggles that when you have an event to condense down into one place all of the love, support and CARE…it is incredible.  No words can ever truly describe it.  Thank you is not enough.  Wow…in gratitude.